When thinking of paradise, many people think of pleasant weather, light blue ocean, palm trees and clean sand which shapes to the form of your feet. In Holland many people complain about mainly bad the weather. Waiting for their annual three weeks of holiday in paradise.
For many people it’s a dream to live in such kinda, so called, paradise. But they’ll never put effort into it to make it really happen. On the other hand: is living in paradise truly a dream life like the way we imagine? Or is it just the grass which seems to look greener on the other side?
A dream is just a dream..
Frequently I dream about living in another country with a tropical climate and owning my own hospitality business. A restaurant, bar or a guesthouse or something similar like that. A place which I decorated with my own hands and a place where people feel good. Being able to hop in the ocean for a refreshing dive a couple times a week, whenever I want. In my head I have a whole picture of how it has to look like. Sounds tempting, right? Achievable? Yes, why not?
But frequently, I got this idea right out of my head. I wouldn’t have the ability to realize this. But why? Is it fear which is taking over?
In my own country I know the rules and I don’t know about the potential country where I would like to settle. And let’s not even speak about the corruption in certain countries. Wouldn’t I get home sick, because it won’t be that easy to visit my family and friends?
And according research of Martin Seligman about happiness will living in a tropical country only offer happiness for a short periode of time. Hmm…
But when traveling again and I feel how easy it is to get used to the pleasant temperature. And how that makes me feel.. It might be worth it giving it a shot to build up a life abroad. Doubts, doubts, doubts… 😉
“Fear is the most subtle and destructive of all human diseases. Fear kills dreams and hope.” – Les Brown
So if I want to realize this, the next logical question which pops up is: ‘But how?’, and ‘How am I going to pay the bills?’, ‘Will I be able to gain at least as much income as I do now?’, ‘What about my parents who get older every day?’ etc. STRESS!
Before we even start taking action we see many objections. These paralyses us so we get rid of the idea of making our dreams come true. Is this the moment we stop dreaming?
But a dream will never be a dream if it’s easy to reach, right?
Some people will never make their dreams come true and just go with the flow of the society. I won’t say that it won’t make you happy, but I don’t think this way will work for me. I’ve always been the most happiest if I did it my own way, with all it’s failures and sadness included.
Note on the road
But during my traveling, I also notice that my home country, with its shitty weather, isn’t that bad, at all. I realize, and more importantly: feel, that Holland has so much to offer. Festivals in overload during the summer, going out for dinner with my family and friends frequently and shouting to each other when someone is losing the board game Catan. An open-minded country, especially compared to the countries I’ve been until now. Going out for dinner with friends in various restaurants, thanks to all the different cultures which are living here. Watching a movie underneath the blanket, while it’s raining outside.. I have to admit I miss that now I’m abroad.
Decision making and emotional fitness
There are a couple certain ways we deal with emotions when it comes to decision making. Two negative ways are denial and avoidance. This way of dealing with my emotions I’ve used many, many times, with anxiety and a block on my personal improvement as follows. I was always doing fine, negative experiences where okay to happend, ‘I would get over it’, and closing my eyes for it was for a couple of years my daily life. And at the same time, I was the opposite person of who I truly am this day. And not being able to be the person who you truly are is a guarantee for depression.
That period of my life took me a long time to find the power to step up and be courageous, because my direct environment was not allowing it. But as soon as I decided to step up, decided to choose for myself, I was living more and more in ecstacy.
My one month solo travel journey to Thailand taught me to get rid of every negative aspect in my life as far as possible, big or even very small. Everything what you experience, the people you hang out with, everything you see and pay attention to will affect you. So why keep negative aspects in my life if I have the power and controle to change it? And believe me, that can change your entire life. Because the less negative aspects in your life, the more room for positive emotions and so, more energy. Energy is everything!
And for the part we can’t control in our life which causes negative emotions, and now and then this isn’t avoidable, there is a way to learn how to deal with it. Learning how to deal with your emotions offers you the oppurtunity to grow.
Connect with yourself by starting a dialog with the voice you have within. Ask yourself and your feelings questions. And I think this is one of the keys to ultimate happiness and internal peace.
It’s not about the ‘how’ initially
But back to the potential future in paradise.
I’ve learned that the ‘how’ is not the first thing to think about when wanting to make your dreams come true. Of course, I don’t agree by just quitting your job and move without having any plan. You should have a plan and a strategy how to make money. As Richard Brown says ‘’If someone offers you an amazing oppertunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!’’. And I believe this also counts by creating your own oppurtunities.
I’m convinced that most things you can only learn by doing it, making mistakes, fall on your face and practice over and over again. You can read about it, learn about it, but you’ll never be able to practice it if you don’t gain physical experience.
I think that when it comes to making your dreams come true is writing out your plan, goals and the problems you might bump into along the road. Because if you’re prepared for the bad, it’ll make it easier to handle it than as it comes as a suprise and be overwhelmed by fear.
But writing it all down would only be the first baby step towards reaching your goal. I believe that sometimes we shouldn’t be planning and thinking about it for too long, because at a certain point you will have to decide to be determined to do it and jump! Jump into the unkown, jump into risk and uncertainty, jump into the look-a-like bottomless pit. But jumping in to, possibly, the best choice in your life. Jumping towards your dream life.
A life of moments of living in ecstacy, created by yourself? The feeling of flying, gratefulness and the feeling of being truly alive?
But where highs are, are lows. Lows of exhausting, stress, pain and sadness. But what if you visualize that you can beat these lows and can climb again to the highs?
Doesn’t that feels way more attractive than a live which is ‘just fine’?
Just fine sounds comfortable, right?
Settleing down with someone who is ‘just fine’, but you’re not totally crazy about. Only because you’re afraid to end up alone or your family and friends are expecting it. Setteling down and getting a mortgage, thanks to a job wich is ‘just fine’, because your family, friends and the society is expecting you to buy a house at this certain age? Sitting in front of the TV in the evening and relaxed watching the eight O’clock journal and then watching a serie, which takes away many hours of your time. Just fine, right? Exactly, and to me that’s not enough. And since a couple of years I notice myself I don’t feel comfortable anymore by ‘just fine’.
But sometimes, yes, sometimes, when exhausted and I’m allowing myself to give in to the comfortable routine of the daily life, it feels like that the ‘just fine-feeling’ is sneaking in and make me feel satisfied with it. Because as soon as we are satisfied with ‘just fine’, there won’t be any nessecarity to sweat, fight and commit to reach our dreams, which might bring us to the feeling of greatness.
“Too many of us are not living our dreams, because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown
According research, according friends and family, according the society.. Bla bla bla
If we should listen to researchers, friends and family, we might never make our biggest dreams come true. And although according research living in a country with a fine temperature won’t make you happy on the long term, who says this also counts for you? Maybe for many people, but maybe you and I are an exception. And if not, what oppurtunities will outflow after we discovered by ourselves that it didn’t worked out as we wanted? So fuck the whole research.
And would it maybe be possible to have the best of both worlds? As you see these days many people of my age are starting their own business as digital nomads. Working from your laptop and having the freedom to go around the world. Taking my ‘office’ to a tropical country and returning back home as soon as I feel like, sounds like music to my ears.
I am convinced that you should walk your own path, no matter what other people or researchers say. Advice can always be received in a grateful way and be followed up if you truly believe in it, but I also believe that being hard headed and staying commited to your own heart and path will lead to your personal paradise. Whether this is a country with palmtrees and fine weather, or returning back home, because it didn’t turn out as you expected. See which other doors will be opened after that..
Trust that everything will turn out alright.